Something you don’t hear spoken about a lot is parents with mental health. It’s probably because there’s a huge percentage of mums and dads that don’t want to admit they’re struggling, because with that comes the fear of letting their babies down.
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I am a mental health sufferer, depression and anxiety. Yes I fear letting down my boys, but now more than ever I fight against that fear. It’s okay to struggle, it’s okay to want help every now and again.
I mean parenting isn’t easy at the best of times, but chuck a bit of mind trouble on top of that and you’re in for a fun ride. It’s like running through a field of pretty flowers but with the darkest cloud following you around up above. It’s daunting. It’s challenging. It’s everything you never thought it would be.
I’ve always been the worlds worst for thinking if I just forget about my everyday anxiety and worries, that I’ll be fine with the distraction of motherhood. Which yes is true, having babies gives you a reason, and by god do they keep you on your toes. But it doesn’t take away your fears, it adds to them. Not only do we then have anxiety for ourselves but for our precious little ones too, and that carries even more worry than for yourself. Because every parent wants to protect their children, it’s only natural. But imagine your mind telling you, you couldn’t protect them – all day long like a song stuck on repeat. Harsh reality is we can’t protect our kids from everything but we at least want to believe we can try.
But sometimes even we can’t do that when that dark cloud is following.
Then boom, that’s when it hits you, the feeling of failing your babies. Because that dark cloud above you is hell bent on making you loose your mind.
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Can I tell you something about my dark cloud?
It’s an annoying pain in the ass. But that’s the thing about a pain in the ass, take some pain killers and off it pops. So my pain killer for that dark cloud? Writing. Because taking pen to paper clears my mind.
Those nights where you lay awake and stair at the ceiling going over every little aspect of your day, what you could have done differently, could you have been better, could I have smiled more, did I do good today. Well on those nights, instead of pondering down every hallway of my never ending mind, I take pen to paper and let it flow.
The plus side of doing this is I can reflect on the harder days and see what made the good days good. So that I can change the bad days into the good.
I’m not saying it makes things hunky dory and all of a sudden the dark cloud is gone. But it certainly helps me see the sun shine down on my babies face. And there’s nothing more warming on the soul than that.
Parenting with mental health can be done. It’s tough. But it’s possible. So don’t just assume every parent is perfect upstairs in their mind, some are struggling. What more of us parents doubting ourselves need, is someone to tell us “You’re doing good.”
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So mums and dads reading this…
You’re doing good. Let your sun shine bright.
The Sinclair Family 